Cookies!
by nightfuries
Summary: Just a short one-shot in script format of what would happen if SG-1 ever tried to bake cookies.


_Scene begins. Carter, Daniel, and Colonel Mitchell are seated around a dining table in General O'Neill's kitchen._

**Daniel: **I can't believe General Landry's making us take time off to "bond". I have work to do!

**Mitchell: **Yeah, after what happened _last _time we tried the whole "bonding" thing, I'm really not too keen to try again.

**Voice: **Well I think it's a perfect idea!

_Vala enters with Teal'c. She claps her hands together._

**Vala: **So . . . what shall we do?

_No one answers her._

**Vala: **Come on. We could play a game. Or try fishing! Or we could cozy up and watch a movie!

_She squeezes in to sit on Daniel's chair nice and close to him, but he gets up and moves._

**Daniel: **Not going to happen.

**Mitchell: **How about we bake cookies.

**Vala: **Ooh, yes, let's!

**Mitchell** _(mutters)_**: **I was being sarcastic . . .

**Vala: **So, where do we start? Sam?

_Sam looks at the other two for help. Then she looks at Vala's eager face and gives in. She gets up and goes to the stove._

**Carter: **Well first we have to preheat the stove to 270˚.

**Mitchell: **350˚.

_Carter turns and looks at him._

**Carter: **Excuse me?

**Mitchell: **You can't cook the perfect cookie at 270˚.

**Carter: **Oh, well, would you like to take over?

**Mitchell: **Don't mind if I do.

_Daniel puts his head in his hands._

**Daniel: **I don't believe this.

**Mitchell: **Cheer up Jackson. I'll let you lick the spoon!

_Daniel frowns. Mitchell grabs bowls and spoons and places them on the counter. Vala follows him around eagerly. He starts pouring in butter and sugar, and mixing it together._

**Mitchell: **Let me think . . . now we need 2 eggs.

_Vala opens the fridge door._

**Vala: **Eggs, eggs . . . the weird ovallish white things right?

**Mitchell: **Yep. Grab two.

**Carter: **Really Mitchell?

**Mitchell: **Hey, we're here, so we might as well do something productive. Besides, my grandma may make good macaroons, but I make a mean chocolate chip.

**Carter: **I used to bake, when I was younger. I'd make whole dinners for my family.

**Mitchell: **I pity your family.

**Carter: **Hey!

_While they're arguing, Vala goes over to the bowl holding the two eggs. She looks at the eggs, then the bowl._

**Vala: **One, two!

_She plops the eggs in, shells and all._

**Vala: **What do I do now?

_Mitchell's attention is still focused on Sam._

**Mitchell: **Stir it.

_Vala picks up the spoon and begins to stir inexpertly. Mitchell heads back over and doesn't notice anything wrong._

**Mitchell: **Great, now we need some vanilla and the chocolate chips. Daniel, do me a favour and get out some baking sheets will you?

_Daniel sighs and grabs the trays. Mitchell mixes in the last of the ingredients, and Vala had fun spooning them out onto the cookie sheet._

**Mitchell: **Great. Teal'c, do you mind putting these in the oven?

**Teal'c: **Certainly Colonel Mitchell.

_Teal'c takes the sheets and sticks them in the oven. Unbeknownst to the others, he fiddles around with the dials._

**Mitchell: **See, I told you I make great cookies.

**Carter: **You could be the next Betty Crocker.

**Mitchell: **Or Martha Stewart.

**Vala: **See, now you're all making pop cultural references again and I don't understand what you mean. I thought we agreed to stop this.

**Carter: **What's that smell?

**Daniel: **Cookies are done.

_Mitchell grabs an oven mitt and takes the tray out of the oven. It's full of black lumps._

**Mitchell: **What the-

_He takes a look at the oven temperature._

**Mitchell: **Who turned up the oven temperature?

**Teal'c: **Does it not make sense, Colonel Mitchell, to have cookies bake for only 5 minutes at 820˚ instead of 20 minutes at 350˚?

_Mitchell looks helplessly at Teal'c._

**Mitchell: **Teal'c, it doesn't work like that . . .

_He looks to Daniel and Carter for support, but they're both trying to hide their smiles. There's a knock on the door._

_Enter Colonel O'Neill._

**O'Neill: **Knock, knock, knock.

**Carter: **General!

**O'Neill: **Carter. _(Looking around)_. Daniel, Mitchell, Vala, Teal'c.

_He looks at the tray._

**O'Neill: **What happened here?

**Daniel: **Mitchell tried to teach Vala how to cook.

**O'Neill: **Ah.

_Pause while everyone takes in the disaster that is the cookies._

**O'Neill**_ (claps his hands)_**: **So, who wants to go for pizza?

**Carter, Daniel, Mitchell: **Yes.

**Carter: **But what are we going to do with . . .

_Motions to the now empty cookie tray._

**Mitchell: **Ah, Vala, where did all the cookies go?

**Vala: **Oh, Teal'c ate them all. Apparently they taste like a delicacy on his planet. Right Teal'c?

**Teal'c: **Indeed.

_All look at Teal'c. Then leave._

_END SCENE!_


End file.
